I date up some date down12/21/2023 The key is finding balance a balance that works for you and your happiness. Someone is going to make more money, be more attractive, have a better sense of humor. Someone will always have better attributes in some respects and not in others.Įven when couples are "total equals," there is something that one person will have that the other lacks. I suppose no relationship can ever truly be equal. Freed assures us that this emphasis on physical beauty does not mean a man doesn't also value a woman's mind, "Evolved men look for a dynamic combination of what they find visually appealing and a true equal." So while it's easy to blame the media for what we deem attractive, it has no bearing on the fact that men in general place more value on looks than women when choosing partners. It's not even their fault for valuing physical beauty because they're "wired to be attracted by visual stimuli."Ī man's tendency to value looks is biologically ingrained in his makeup. Freed tells us that this is because men are more visually inclined than us lady-folk. Of course, not all men value looks over intelligence, but just as a woman tends to value a man's "stability" over his looks, so too do men value looks over a woman's brain. Meanwhile, men often value looks over a woman's brains If he's nice to you, who cares what he looks like? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak. " may know that to some people their mate is less attractive, but to them their mate looks golden," Dr. ![]() They seem to really love each other, regardless. The wife was a babe and the husband was rich and really nice. I used to babysit for a perfectly happy couple, with three adorable children, where this dynamic was undoubtedly the case. This set-up totally works for some people. It's not to say that these relationships are always shallow (though they are sometimes, let's be real). If a man is bringing the money and stability to the relationship, doesn't it make sense that a woman would bring the beauty? " are choosing their mates based more on security and protection than the externals," Dr. It's because people bring different things to the relationship. Women are the guiltier sex when it comes to dating downĮverywhere you look you can find drop-dead gorgeous women on the arms of substantially less attractive men.Īnd I can't help but think, "They cannot possibly think people don't see this." If the person you're with leaves you, you want to be able to say, "I'm way better than them anyway." And feel fine about that. Keeping the upper hand offers a lifejacket in the ever-tumultuous dating seas. If he's not that cute, you don't have much to worry about. Jennifer Freed, a family behavioral specialist. "Some women feel more secure with a man who is not 'too attractive' because men who are found to be attractive to everyone are often hit on constantly," says Dr. If you're the "better" partner, don't your chances of keeping that person locked into a relationship seem greater? It's kind of messed up, but it most definitely happens. It offers a measure of security one might not have otherwise. And having the advantage - whether it be financial, personality-based, or looks-wise, gives you the power in your relationship. The reason being, we all want to be the "winners" in our relationships (even if some of us wouldn't like to admit it). Dating down is an admittedly crappy defense mechanism that influences our romantic choices (and ultimately clouds our thinking) more than you might expect.
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